Actual Customer Interactions: Coastie Chicken Tenders

The following interaction between two coastie girls was overheard whilst I was seated upon a bar stool at the Old Fashioned.


Coastie betches in their natural habitat.

Coastie betches in their natural habitat.

COASTIE GIRL #1: …and she was totally wearing a RED thong!

COASTIE GIRL #2: Oh my god. Underneath that gray dress??

CG1: Yes! That’s what I’m telling you. It was BRIGHT. RED. Underneath a gray dress. And you could totally see it!

CG2: Oh my god, that girl needs help.

CG1: She’s beyond help.

CG2: That is mortifying. What should we eat?

CG1: Definitely cheese curds.

CG2: I feel like chicken tenders and ranch dressing. Do they have chicken tenders here? (flags down a bartender) Excuse me? Hi. Do you have chicken tenders?

BARTENDER: We do, but only on our kid’s menu.

CG2: So I can’t have chicken tenders?


CG1: Well, we definitely want cheese curds.

CG2: And… (insert a horrific attempt at insincere flirtation) can you make chicken tenders happen?

BARTENDER: Only if you are under twelve. And since I just served you both beers… No.