Actual Customer Interactions: Musical Chairs

musical chairs

(A woman in a pantsuit walks into a bar, holds up two fingers….)

ME: Hello, there.

(WOMAN continues holding up two fingers, says nothing.)

ME: What can I do for you today?

(WOMAN says nothing, fingers remain in the air.)

ME: Would you like a table?

(Still with the fingers.)

ME: How many people are in your party?

WOMAN: (Exasperated.) I need a table for two.

ME: Sure. Right this way, please.

(Leads her to a nearby booth.)

WOMAN: Do you have any booths that don’t have padded seats? I have a bad back, and I’d be more comfortable without the padding.

ME: Unfortunately, all of the booths have padded benches. Would you be alright moving to a table?

WOMAN: That’ll be fine.

(Leads her to a table in the front of the restaurant.)

ME: How’s this?

WOMAN: (Squinting out the window.) Well, it’s a little sunny. Can we move over there instead?

ME: Of course.

(Leads her to a different table.)

ME: This work?

WOMAN: (Notices the air vent adjacent to the table.) Can you turn off the air conditioning coming out of this vent? I’m afraid I might get too chilly.

ME: Unfortunately, I can’t without turning off the AC in the entire restaurant. Let’s go right over here instead.

(Leads her to Table Attempt #4.)

WOMAN: Do you have anything more private? My associate and I are going to be discussing business.

ME: That sounds very important. Unfortunately, everything is pretty wide open in our restaurant space.

WOMAN: Nothing quieter anywhere? Is there another dining area?

ME: Nope. What you see is what you get. The restaurant’s just one big, rather loud cube, unfortunately.

(It’s at about this point that I realize I say the word ‘unfortunately’ a lot. #smh)

WOMAN:  What about one of those booths there in the back?

(Pause.)

ME: The booths with the padded seating?

WOMAN: Yes, that’ll be fine.

ME: Right this way.

WOMAN: Are either of your soups gluten free?

ME: Your server will be with you in just a moment.