Actual Customer Interactions: Not That Kind Of Cocktail

An inebriated man walks into a bar ten minutes before the kitchen is due to close….

INEBRIATED MAN: Is your kitchen still open?

ME: For another ten minutes.

IM: Can I order something to go?

ME: You may. Do you need a menu?

IM: No. I know what I want.

ME: Okay. Fire away.


ME: Would you like to tell me what you’d like?

IM: I want shrimp cocktail.

ME: Shrimp cocktail.

IM: Yeah.

ME: That’s probably about the last thing I’d’ve expected you to order.

IM: That’s what I’d like.

ME: We don’t have shrimp cocktail, I’m afraid. Nor do we have any form of shrimp in this entire restaurant, currently. (Grabs menu.) Here’s a menu.

IM: What kind of salads do you have?

ME: (Pointing.) They’re all listed right here. We’ve got a beet salad, a mixed green option, a wedge–

IM: A what?

ME: A wedge.

IM: What?

ME: A wedge salad. (Spelling it out.) W.E.D.G.E. Like something you’d ‘wedge’ under a door to keep it from shutting, only on a plate in the form of iceberg lettuce and covered with delicious things.

IM: You don’t need to placate me.

ME: I didn’t think I was being patronizing.

IM: Just give me cheese curds.

ME: Okay.

IM: And a Spotted Cow.

ME: Sounds good.

IM: Both to go.

ME: The beer’s gotta stay here, my friend.

IM: You don’t have to go cups?

ME: Not for beer.

IM: Fine. I’ll drink the beer here.

ME: Good talk.