An inebriated man walks into a bar ten minutes before the kitchen is due to close….
INEBRIATED MAN: Is your kitchen still open?
ME: For another ten minutes.
IM: Can I order something to go?
ME: You may. Do you need a menu?
IM: No. I know what I want.
ME: Okay. Fire away.
(Silence.)
ME: Would you like to tell me what you’d like?
IM: I want shrimp cocktail.
ME: Shrimp cocktail.
IM: Yeah.
ME: That’s probably about the last thing I’d’ve expected you to order.
IM: That’s what I’d like.
ME: We don’t have shrimp cocktail, I’m afraid. Nor do we have any form of shrimp in this entire restaurant, currently. (Grabs menu.) Here’s a menu.
IM: What kind of salads do you have?
ME: (Pointing.) They’re all listed right here. We’ve got a beet salad, a mixed green option, a wedge–
IM: A what?
ME: A wedge.
IM: What?
ME: A wedge salad. (Spelling it out.) W.E.D.G.E. Like something you’d ‘wedge’ under a door to keep it from shutting, only on a plate in the form of iceberg lettuce and covered with delicious things.
IM: You don’t need to placate me.
ME: I didn’t think I was being patronizing.
IM: Just give me cheese curds.
ME: Okay.
IM: And a Spotted Cow.
ME: Sounds good.
IM: Both to go.
ME: The beer’s gotta stay here, my friend.
IM: You don’t have to go cups?
ME: Not for beer.
IM: Fine. I’ll drink the beer here.
ME: Good talk.
