Actual Customer Interactions: Old Foot-In-Mouth Hunt Strikes Again, And More!

ME: Ryan!* I haven’t seen you in a long while. What, did they finally fire you at that dump where you work?

RYAN: Yeah, actually. I got laid off after the November elections.

ME: Oh. (Pause) Well, it was good seeing you.

RYAN: Yeah, you too.

ME: Okay then.

(*Not his real name)

__________

ME: (Delivering a bowl of chili) And there you go. Anything else you need right away?

MAN: Nah, should be good.

ME: You know what? (Grabbing a bottle of Sriracha) You should throw some of this stuff on your chili if you want to add a little extra heat.

MAN: (Eying the bottle carefully) This sauce will make the chili warmer?

ME: (Gauging this man for a moment) Uh, not, like, temperature-wise.

MAN: Oh. (Dawns on him) You mean, like spiciness?

ME: Yup.

MAN: I was gonna say: that’d be some pretty cool sauce if it made things instantly warmer!

ME: Fortunately, the kitchen takes care of that part for us, but a literal hot sauce could be your million dollar idea. Enjoy your lunch.

Image courtesy of Natalie Dee.