(A group of four Madison Iron Man participants sits down at the bar on Monday…)
IRON MAN PARTICIPANT #1: Okay, I want you to be honest with me, barkeep. I’m looking for brutal honesty. Okay?
IMP#1: How are your bloody marys?
ME: In my opinion. I hate our bloody marys. I think they taste like runny cocktail sauce, and they have these icky horseradishy chunks floating in them that remind me of chewing on leftover vomit after you barf.
ME: But that’s just me.
(Still no response.)
ME: You wanted brutal honesty. I think they’re crappy. Would you like me to grab you all some drink menus? Look at a beer list?
ME: A bloody mary?
IMP#1: Yeah, I’ll give it a go.
IMP#2: Me too.
IMP#3: Make it three.
IMP#4: I’ll have one as well. But make it virgin.
ME: Okay. Have you four decided what you’d like to eat?
IMP#4: Oh, and sir?
IMP#4: I’d also like a decaf cappuccino. With soy milk.
ME: Sorry, we don’t have soy milk.
IMP#4: Skim? Skim will be fine.
ME: A decaf skim cappuccino and four bloodies, coming right up.
IMP#4: Remember, mine’s a virgin!
ME: I bet.
IMP#2: And make sure I get Spotted Cow as a chaser with my bloody, please!
IMP#1: Oh! Me too. (Looking to IMP#3) Mary, you need to try one also. There’s seriously nothing better than Spotted Cow! It is such a perfect pale ale.
(Spotted Cow is not a pale ale.)
IMP#3: Might as well make it three.
ME: I’ll have that all ready for you in just a minute.