Actual Customer Interactions: The Polo-Shirted Ambassador

I was neck-deep in Friday evening’s furious bar push, manning my station against the drunken hordes, when a polo-shirted fellow approached me out of the swarm and flagged me down. He was clearly an ambassador for a larger group that was cowering in a bewildered clump behind him.

“What can I get you?” I shouted over the raging din of collective voices in the room.

“A Spotted Cow.”

“Anything else?” I inquired, glancing towards the rest of his clan.

He turned around to the others in his party: “What’d you guys want?”

The question was met with blank stares.

“I’ll check back when you’re all ready. Here’s a drink list. Let me know if you have any questions.”

The group had their act together, I have to say; they were ready in a matter of moments. The Polo-Shirted Ambassador ordered for everyone, ticking each drink off on one of his fingers. “Okay, we’ll have two Spotted Cows, a Warped Speed Scotch Ale, a spicy bloody mary, a Captain and Coke, and a virgin vodka tonic.”

“I’m sorry, what was that last one?” Did I hear that correctly?

“A virgin vodka tonic.”

“So, a tonic water?”

“No,” the Ambassador repeated, “a virgin vodka tonic.”

“How would you like me to make that?”

“However you normally would.”


I put together the round of assorted beverages as I pondered what to do about the virgin vodka tonic. In the end, I just went with my first instinct and poured some tonic water into a tub and garnished it with a lime. What’s the worst that could happen?

“How’s the drink?” I asked the recipient of the virgin vodka tonic a few minutes later.

“It’s perfect,” she said.

Nailed it.

Photo of Polo Douche courtesy of; vodka tonic pic is courtesy of