Actual Customer Interactions: The Three Wise Men


Three drunk young men from rural Wisconsin walk into a bar….

ME: What’d’ya need, guys?

YOUNG MAN 1: Coors Light.

ME: We don’t have Coors Light.

YM1: Miller Lite.

ME: We don’t have that either. In fact we have no ‘light’ beers at all.

YM1: Bud Light.

ME: (Sigh.) Nope. Here’s a beer list.

YM1: Spotted Cow.

ME: Of course. That I do have. (To the other two.) What about you guys?

YOUNG MAN 2: Coors Light.

ME: Don’t have it.

YM2: Miller Lite.

ME: Don’t have it.

YM2: Spotted Cow?

ME: Sure. (Looks to last of the three.) What about for you?

YOUNG MAN 3: Coors light.

ME: You’re kidding, right?

(Long, blank stare.)

YM3: Miller Lite?

ME: I’m going to go ahead and pour you a Spotted Cow too.

YM3: And three shots of Fireball.

ME: Don’t have it.

YM3: Jägermeister.

ME: Don’t have it.

YM3: Okay, Goldschläger‘ll be fine.

ME: Don’t have that either.

YM3: What do you have?

ME: How about some nice Jameson’s Irish Whiskey?

YM3: Three shots of Rumple Minze.

ME: Nope.

YM3: This bar fucking sucks. You got Maker’s Mark at least?

ME: Yup.

YM3: Three shots.

ME: Of Maker’s Mark?

YM3: Yeah.

ME: Great. That’ll be $30.00 for the three beers and the three shots.

YM2: Fuck, this place is expensive.

YM1: Just put it on your credit card.

YM3: Guess I’ll put this round on the credit card.

ME: We happily accept all major credit cards.