ME: Alright, ma’am, have you decided what you’d like to order?
MA’AM: Do you have anything on your menu that is gluten free?
ME: Truthfully, not really. But we can modify just about anything to get rid of the gluten for you.
MA’AM: (glowers at the menu)
ME: (stands awkwardly, awaiting further instructions) Would you like some more time?
MA’AM: No. I’m ready.
ME: Fire away.
MA’AM: I gonna do your salmon salad.
ME: Sounds good.
MA’AM: But because of my gluten intolerance, I would like to substitute a burger patty for the salmon.
ME: (beat) Are you sure you aren’t just seafood intolerant?
MA’AM: (stares blankly)
ME: One burger salad, coming right up.