Actual Customer Interactions: Various Encounters

6:21pm

LADY: (placing a napkin over her old-fashioned) I have to leave for a minute. Can you make sure this drink doesn’t get poured out?

ME: Of course.

LADY: I might be a little bit.

ME: No worries. I’ll watch that thing like a hawk. She’ll be there when you come back.

6:47pm

ME: How long’s it been since that lady took off?

BARBACK: I dunno. About a half hour, I think..

ME: That’s a long time. How long do you think we should wait before we dump that drink? (indicating the watered-down drink still sitting upon the bar, covered with a soggy napkin)

BARBACK: I dunno.

ME: Aren’t you a lot of help.

7:03pm

ME: This is fucking ridiculous. I’m gonna dump that drink. She’s not coming back. (dumps drink)

BARBACK: Okay.

7:05pm

LADY: (reenters, gesticulating wildly with flailing, sleeveless arms) Excuse me, sir! Sir! Someone poured my drink out!

ME: Sorry, that was me. I didn’t think you were coming back.

LADY: But I told you I was coming back!

ME: I literally poured it out two minutes ago. It was a pretty dead soldier–didn’t at all resemble the fine drink it once was. Do you want me to make you a new one?

LADY: Forget it. I don’t have time to drink it anyway. I have to be on a plane in twenty-five minutes.

ME: (scratches head)

___________

RICARDOS: Can I help you with something?

MAN: I wanted to ask about the room you have for rent.

RICARDOS: Do you have an appointment to look at the room this morning?

MAN: No.

RICARDOS: How many people are you thinking of having?

MAN: Just one.

RICARDOS: A party of one?

MAN: I was hoping…to live there.

RICARDOS: It’s not that kind of room.

__________

LITTLE BRAT: (walks up to the host stand) I want a free soda!

F-BOMB: Well, you can’t have a free soda. Now go on and get, ya hear?