ME: (speaking into the telephone) Thanks for calling, how may I help you?
LADY: (on the other end of the line) Yes, hi. I’d like to make a reservation.
ME: Unfortunately, we don’t take reservations. All of our seating is done on a first-come, first-serve basis.
LADY: I’m sorry, I wasn’t clear. I’d like to make a reservation for graduation weekend.
ME: Sorry, but it’s our policy to not take reservations at any time.
LADY: Not even for large parties?
ME: Not even for large parties.
LADY: You don’t take reservations over graduation weekend?!
ME: That is correct.
LADY: But my 89-year-old mother is going to be with us! We’re coming all the way from Long Island!
ME: I apologize, but I can’t make any exceptions.
ME: I am the manager.
LADY: Who is your manager?
ME: She is not here at the moment.
LADY: Well, I just can’t believe it. What do I have to do to get a reservation?
ME: If you’d like, I could put you in contact with our events coordinator, and we could see about renting out our private dining room? It’s far enough in advance that it might still be available.
LADY: All I want is to make a simple reservation.
ME: There are plenty of restaurants nearby that will gladly accommodate a reservation.
LADY: Well, how long is the wait going to be?
ME: On graduation weekend?
ME: In May? That’s a long way off. When were you planning on coming in?
LADY: 7:30 on that Saturday evening. With nine others.
ME: Well, in that case, I’d put you at a two hour wait at least.
LADY: Do you know that for sure?
ME: Of course not.
LADY: I don’t understand how you cannot know!
ME: If I was clairvoyant, I’d be of better help, but I am not.
LADY: I don’t even know what that means. I’m very disappointed. I guess we’ll have to take our business somewhere else.
ME: I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.
LADY: You haven’t been ANY help.
ME: Have a nice day.