Welcome back to Ask a Bartender, where a simple question somehow inspires service industry professionals to take out all of their frustrations on innocent little ol’ me. Today’s question: What drink order immediately triggers an ID check?
Amaretto Sour. Are you kidding? That and an Long Island Iced Tea. Why? Because young people drink them! What other reason would there be? With an Long Island Iced Tea, you get a lot of booze for a lower price. It’s a cheap way to get drunk.
Amaretto Sour. None of my friends drink them. We’re pretty seasoned drinkers.
Amaretto Sour. Because it’s bullshit. Like, Amaretto had the lowest alcohol content. Amaretto Stone Sour is even worse, because I used to drink those before I was 21. But at least that had more alcohol. I just know that those little girls love that cherry! Either that or Sex on the Beach. Because it’s just so fruity. But when you ask them what’s in it, they have no idea. And that’s how I know. But hey, no one actually knows what’s in a Sex on the Beach. It’s just pink.
“Red Bull Vodka.” Because they order the mixer first. It’s just incorrect. There’s a correct way to order a drink and an incorrect way. You don’t order the mixer first. Oh, also… something sweet? I’m gonna need to see an ID.
Long Island Iced Teas. Because it’s either old trashy people or really young stupid people.
Always depends on how they look, but Long Island Iced Tea is always a good one. Or a Chocolatini. Or any of those fruity ‘tinis. Anything sweet. “Y’all got that Muscato?” “Y’all got those IDs?”
Sex on the Beach or Captain and Coke. Captain and Coke partly because I want to see your age and partly because I want to see where you’re from. Because I like to judge.
Uh… anything with Southern Comfort in it. Because I remember high school. Either that or anything where someone says, “I want something fruity where I can’t taste the alcohol.”
Long Island Iced Teas, Amaretto Sours, and Dirty Shirley’s. [What the fuck are those?] Those are kiddie cocktails with vodka. [Jesus, people order those?] Shit yeah. And I ask for ID.
It’s definitely based on the wording… if they ask for really cheap beer, that’s one. Amaretto Sours, obviously. Oh, and Lunch Boxes. What are those? Amaretto, some sort of light beer and orange juice. It’s just stupid. Or! People who come in, look at round, and say, “I would like a martini.” And I say, “What kind of martini?” And they say, “Oh, just the regular kind.” And then I know.
A “Coke and Rum.” Not a Rum and Coke. Or anything like “a Sprite and…” I can just tell that they’re trying to gauge my reaction. “Can I get a Coke and…” They can tell by my face if I’m going to let them order booze. And the answer is no. No I’m not.
If I hear somebody just pulling a drink out their ass, but they couldn’t possibly know what the ingredients are. Anyone who says the name of a drink just because they’re in a bar. “An Alabama Slammer.” That means you’re underage. Or a dumbass from Hurley. The great thing is that I could throw whatever in a glass and they’d think it was great.
Amaretto Sour. They’re the worst. It’s the sweetest, most girly… it’s like, you haven’t been drinking very long, have you? [Editor’s note: not long after this chat, I saw this bartender field a request for “Amaretto and pineapple juice.” He almost had a stroke.]