The following is another spur of the moment beer review. We were hanging out on the patio of the Argus for a friend’s birthday on a beautiful Thursday evening. Our panel–as always–was given no prior warning that they would be put on the spot to review a beer. Here’s what the gang had to say…
DEADPAN: Hey. We should do another group beer review.
ME: That’s a good idea!
DEADPAN: I know. What should we review?
ME: I can think of nothing better beer than the PBR that is currently in my hand.
ME: Why not? What are your thoughts on Pabst Blue Ribbon?
DEADPAN: Uhhh… (silence)
ME: This was your idea, remember.
DEADPAN: I know. (silence)
ME: Okay. Moving on. We’ll come back to you, Deadpan. KC Masterpiece, what are your feelings about PBR?
KC MASTERPIECE: What?
ME: Just answer the question. Don’t think too hard.
KC MASTERPIECE: It’s the best of the worst.
ME: That’s fair. Smutty, care to weigh in?
SMUTTY: It’s my birthday!
ME: I know it is. Please participate in this beer review.
SMUTTY: PBR tastes like piss after what I’ve been drinking.
ME: Which was?
ME: Nailed it. Black Lantern?
BLACK LANTERN: The flavor is reminiscent of America. Clean and crisp, like freedom.
ME: You sound like a goddamn Dodge Challenger commercial. Yet, I could not agree more. Mrs. Lantern, your feelings?
MRS. LANTERN: PBR tastes like a Republican’s ass sweat!
ME: That doesn’t sound very pleasant.
DEADPAN: The taste isn’t strong enough to overpower the toothpaste that’s leftover in my mouth.
ME: Thanks, Deadpan. Good insight. Puddin’, it’s your turn.
PUDDIN’: It tastes like a palm-full of pennies, chased with a swig of soda water.
ME: Okay. [Kind of like your mom’s crotch?*] Neti Pot, what are your feelings?
NETI POT: You feel good drinking it.
ME: You bet your ass you do.
So, that’s what the panel had to say. We were all across the board, from freedom to a lot of urine references.
I personally have to say that I really like Pabst Blue Ribbon. Seriously. Is it a great beer? Not especially. Is it a pretty awesome lager? Yup. It’s good at being what it is. If I’m going to drink an American style lager, it’s going to be PBR. Always. Trust me. Next time you’re at a bar, taste test PBR and your local craft lager side by side. In my experience, PBR wins seven out of ten times. And it’s about half the price.
There’s my endorsement. It’s not just for hipsters anymore.
Need more incentive to drink this stuff? Click here.
Image courtesy of www.pabstbrewingco.com/
* Wasn’t actually said in the conversation, but it would’ve been a sweet burn.