HOLY HUMPTY DUMPTY! What?!
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? What do you mean?
WHAT? ARE YOU TOO GOOD TO DRINK AT HOME BY YOURSELF WITH NO ONE AROUND AND WRITE IRREVERENT-YET-AMUSING-BY-YOUR-OWN-ADMISSION REVIEWS OF WHAT YOU’RE DRINKING? Uh, no… I don’t think so. I just haven’t gotten around to writing one of these things in a while.
WHATEVER. Don’t be cross.
I’M NOT. Okay.
GOD. I’m sorry you feel neglected, Voice Inside My Head.
PLEASE REFER TO ME BY MY PROPER NAME: THADDEUS HUNT, YOUR SEXY ALTER EGO. Whatever you say, you weird, whiney bastard.
WHERE ARE YOU? On my porch, with the dogs.
AH, THE DOGS. WHAT ARE YOU SIPPING ON TONIGHT? It’s summertime, which means it’s gin time. Tonight I’m helping myself to a healthy portion of Death’s Door Gin whilst I wax poetic and observe the world meander past.
BUT IT’S DARK OUT. YOU CAN’T SEE ANYTHING. Shut up.
HOW’S THE BOOZE? Damn it, it’s good. I like gin. (sings) Gin, gin, gin. (stops singing) This particular gin is of the London Dry variety (The only legal requirement of London Dry Gin as opposed to other styles is that the botanicals are added during the distilling process rather than being added later as flavourings.), which I tend to prefer. I find them to be more aromatic and flavorful than gin by any other name. The botanicals of this stuff in particular is knocking it out of the park right now–you get the juniper aspect as soon as the boozy juice hits your mouth, which is then nicely neutralized by the other assorted plants and seeds and whatnot. The finish is clean and refreshing, like watching Phoebe Cates emerging from that pool in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
IT’S THAT GOOD?! I don’t know if anything is that good, but it’s kinda hitting the spot right now. Tonight is a perfect night for gin-drinking. What’s more, Death’s Door uses wheat and juniper berries from Washington Island, and gets its organic malted barley from Chilton, WI. It’s good to keep things local. I salute that sort of behavior. Bravo, indeed. (proceeds in a brief golf clap)
DEEP THOUGHTS? Having had the pleasure of meeting and working with a number of the fine fellows behind the Death’s Door Distillery, I am pleased that they are finding success all over the nation. They’re good people. And they make good booze. If you find yourself in the neighborhood, check out their new distillery (it is now the largest craft distillery in Wisconsin!) at 2220 Eagle Drive, Middleton, Wisconsin.
WAIT, ARE THOSE HEART-SHAPED ICE CUBES IN YOUR DRINK?! Maybe. So what? You wanna fight about it?