WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING NOW? Skyy Infusions Coconut-Flavored Vodka.
OH MY SWEET LORD JESUS, WHY?! I’m not sure!
IS THIS A JOKE?! It was meant to be, but I’m really beginning to regret my decision! It’s not funny, it’s not funny!
SHOULD I CALL AN AMBULANCE? I think I’ll be okay.
ARE YOU SURE? Not especially.
WHERE ARE YOU CURRENTLY? At home. Atop my bed.
OH, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. THIS AGAIN? YOU’RE TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF! No, Jesus, I’m not, I’ve just made a huge mistake by drinking liquid sin!
WHERE DID YOU OBTAIN THIS EVIL SUBSTANCE? I received two little airplane bottles as samples today from one of my liquor reps.
DARE I ASK HOW IT TASTES? Like an abortion of nail polish and sunscreen mixed together in an intensely unholy collaboration of doom and hatred.
CAN WE CONSIDER THIS INTERVIEW OVER? Yes, please. I need to go rinse my mouth out with some sort of strong disinfectant.
DEEP THOUGHTS? My only thought right now is the best way to effectively and safely induce vomiting.