At Home Booze Review: Vintage Bourbon

WHAT? Kentucky Bourbon Distiller’s Vintage Bourbon, aged 17 years.

WHERE? My couch.

ARE YOU COVERED IN DOGS? Check. Lilah is currently mouth-banging the couch cushion, while Jack is loudly mouth-banging himself.

WHAT A PERV. I know, right?

HOW DID YOU OBTAIN SUCH AN ITEM? I won it in a raffle, thanks to Harvest Restaurant!

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Whoa. Intense. It’s unlike any other bourbon I’ve ever tasted. It hits hard right right off the bat, but finishes nice and smooth. (That’s what she…said?)

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Lots going on in the nose (very grainy/earthy). The body is big time and fierce and has a nice smokey aspect that’ll get you right in the back of the palate. It’s firewater for sure. As with most whiskeys, a little water or anĀ ice cube will mellow out some of that burn, which will, in turn, bring out some of the spirit’s more interesting characteristics. In this one, a little ice gave the whiskey an almost nutty flavor. That’s right. I said ‘fierce’ and ‘nutty’ in the same paragraph. Suck it.

WHAT KIND OF NUTS? Deez nuts.

HOW HIGH-OCTANE ARE WE TALKING? 94 proof. Like I said: firewater. You’ll need a cigarette when you’re done.

HOW MUCH IS A BOTTLE GONNA RUN ME? Depending on where you find it, a bottle’s gonna be somewhere in the ballpark of $65.

DEEP THOUGHTS? Vintage Bourbon is a bourbon lover’s dream, and would be killer with a nice cigar. Novices, however, might want to steer clear. This is Big League juice–not to be mixed with…well, anything besides a little water. Otherwise, it’s just a damn waste. If you hear someone order a Vintage Bourbon and cola, please slug them in the throat.