Dumb kids get caught stealing their parents booze. Smart kids figure out how to get drunk over hand sanitizer. Wait! Scratch that, and reverse.

Listen kids (and parents) I, like you, did a lot of stupid things when I was a young pup. I remember sneaking into my best friend’s aunt’s cabinet during a birthday party to mix unbelievably strong rum and cokes, soon to be followed by puking all over my arm in her bathroom after getting the spins while pooping. I remember the night me and a group of friends spent the night at my buddies house, and in an attempt to impress the girl I had a major crush on, I found myself in a tequila shot contest with her (she won) and the next day I found my buddy cleaning my regurgitated lentils and noodles, from the previous night’s dim sum, out of her kitchen sink. After a night of drinking cheap booze, smoking too much, and thinking we were so cool, a friend got a second degree burn on his hand from the candle wax that spilled on his hand when he tried to light his cigarette (that was a fun night actually 🙂 but seriously, why on earth would you do this:

As many as six California teenagers were hospitalized with alcohol poisoning last month, and two last weekend alone, from drinking hand sanitizer.  

HAND SANITIZER! Okay, I am not going to get in to a lecture here, kids are stupid, period. But something needs to be done so they don’t feel like they need to resort to HAND SANITIZER to get drunk! Also, we know that there are several other chemically altered pharmacy produced mind benders that have been altered by teens to get them high, and that shit is dangerous too.

Okay, so what am I saying here?

If you’re a kid full of hormones and new life experiences, and wondering if that person you have a huge crush on will like you more if you seem uninhibited, so they ask you to take a shot of PURELL, tell them to go fuck themselves – wait – if they are shooting Purell they already have, so just tell them to fuck off.  And, if you’re a parent who tells their kids that they will disown them for being a teenager i.e., doing stupid things like sneaking a sip of your bourbon and coke when you weren’t looking, than you should reevaluate your perspective and focus on keeping your kids safe from shit like drinking Purell, and other crap like Robitussin, and Bath Salts, and fuck knows what else kids are trying these days.

I almost want to say enjoy a drink with your son or daughter. So you know what? I will. Enjoy a drink with your whippersnapper. And, before you get all twisted up and huffy, I don’t mean get drunk with your kids, or party with them, I mean pay attention and open your minds, and educate them. And if you don’t drink, and your kid is curious about it, please tell them that Purell Martinis tastes like shit.

If nothing else, teach them how to enjoy the finer things in life …  like following OverServed! 🙂