Hey! It’s a Bad Decision!


It was mid-visit at a regular bar when I finally cast my eyes upon the list of oddball specials listed on the chalkboard. I was midway through a Three Floyd’s Robert the Bruce when I saw the words, scrawled on the board:


Well, shit. I would be rude not to try these.

Truth be told, I’ve had boozed gummis before. I recall with great affection the punch a friend made that featured gummi worms swimming at the bottom of the bowl. And then there were the “boozy bears” that a bartender friend made in order to rid the world of overstocked booze – lord, those were brutal. But well-made gummish alcohol delivery devices can be tasty, so I will always give ’em a shot. Especially at a bargain rate.

The bartender – a friendly lass – gave me a suspicious gaze when I ordered the novelty items. But she served them, and seemed amused when I reacted with delight. These were surprisingly tasty chews. Yes, the essence of booze was there, but so too was the splendid flavor of childhood, full of artificial flavors and colors. I was inspired.

Calmly, I finished the gummied items in front of me, and then expertly ordered a muddled gin and tonic (blast the fruit in the bottom of the glass, and rail gin suddenly becomes tolerable). And then I demanded an addition of booze-bloated candy.

“Add some of those bears to the mix,” I said. “It will undoubtedly complement the gin.”

My bartender clearly didn’t agree. After no small amount of angry debate and verbal abuse, she reluctantly agreed to my demands. And it must be said that she immediately fell into a state of contrition when the results became clear.

For this was a glorious concept. To glance at the photo above is to gather but a smidge of the tasty results in this beverage. It was refreshing. It was colorful. It was an odd mix of booze-destruction and sweet relief. If boozy gummed items were as omnipresent as lemons, I know what my go-to cocktail would be.

So! The lesson is… lord, I don’t know. Mix things, I guess? Man, I’m only halfway through the thing. Shut up … I … What?