Instant Autumnal Beer Review: Tyranena Painted Ladies


WHERE DOES TODAY FIND YOU, SIR? At the Tipsy cow, enjoying an egg and artichoke burger and one of Tyranena’s Painted Ladies Pumpkin Ales.

A PUMPKIN ALE?! JESUS. WHAT’S IT LIKE TO HAVE A VAGINA? First of all, it’s not like I’m drinking a Mike’s Hard Lemonade or a fucking Bartles and Jaymes, asshole. Second, it’s good!

I’LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. I really don’t know what your problem is sometimes.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT IT? It’s a nice, medium-bodied, brownish-amber ale that balances its pumpkin flavor with an assortment of autumnal spices very well. A number of pumpkin-flavored beer attempts by other breweries fail because they are trying to make a beer that tastes like pumpkins, overwhelming the taste rather than allowing for the pumpkin and spices to compliment the complex flavor of the beer.

AREN’T YOU MR. KNOWLEDGABLE. That’s just, like, my opinion, man.

ABV? A solid 7.5%, although it drinks lighter. Watch out; this one’ll sneak up on you.

DULY NOTED. I’m just sayin.’

WERE YOU ABLE TO TALK THE MAN TRIO OF DOUCHE NEXT TO YOU INTO TRYING A PINT? No, sir. They are quite content with their bottles of Coor’s Light, thank you very much. Admittedly, those folks are probably at a distinct advantage, having a label on their beer that turns blue to reassure them that their beverage is, indeed, cold.

GOOD POINT. HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR BEER IS COLD?! I don’t know! There is no visual indication that my beer is cold! I’m scared! And homesick!

THERE, THERE. IT’LL BE OKAY. Will it? Will it?!

GETTING BACK TO THE BEER… DEEP THOUGHTS? The Coor’s Light drinkers to my left just ordered Dirty Girl Scout shots, which unavoidably indicates that they are voting for Mitt Romney. Heaven help us all.

DEEP THOUGHTS ABOUT THE BEER? I’m currently too depressed for deep thoughts.