Instant Beer Review: Dogfish Head Punkin Ale

TIME FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF INSTANT BEER REVIEW, EH? “Eh,” indeed, Voice Inside My Head. It’s autumn, which means the tap lines are inundated with fall beer options.

ARE YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE? You bet your sweet bippy.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? I dunno, my eighth grade science teacher, Mr. Johnson, used to say that all the time. He was a hard-ass, but he liked me for some reason.

GOOD STORY. Shut up.

WHAT’S THE BEER OF THE DAY? Dogfish Head’s Punkin Ale.

DID YOU SPELL THAT CORRECTLY? Of course I did. I’m the guy the edits and proofreads his text messages. The beer is named after something the weirdos in Delaware do called Punkin Chunkin.

IF YOU SAY SO. Oh, I do.IMG_0136.JPGWHAT IS IT? The Dogfish website describes it as a “full-bodied brown ale brewed with…pumpkin meat, brown sugar, and spices.”

DID YOU OMIT SOMETHING SCANDALOUS WITH THOSE ELLIPSES? Nope, I merely combined two redundant sentences.

LOOK AT YOU GO. WHAT’S THE DANG ABV? 7%, bro.

THAT’LL DO THE TRICK. Yessir.

AND WHAT DO YOU THINK? EVERYONE’S DYING TO KNOW. Unlikely, but I’ll spill anyway. Spoiler alert: I think it’s pretty great. For a long time there, I had a difficult time boarding the pumpkin beer train that everyone was so bonkers about, but as of fairly recently, I’ve begun to sing a different tune.

NICE WORK, MR. TWO-METAPHOR SENTENCE. Thank you kindly. This beer is balanced and refreshing, without overdoing it on the autumnal spices, of which a little can go a long way. Well, in my opinion. Most importantly, the beer tastes like actual frickin’ pumpkins, and not artificial pumpkin-like beer alchemy.

THANK THE HEAVENS! I can’t help but feel as though you’re mocking me.

WHAT’S THE UP WITH THE DOUCHE IN THE NEXGARD BUTTON-DOWN SHIRT DOWN THE BAR? I’m not sure, but his wife really needs to ease up on the facelift procedures. I’m not a doctor, but there’s no way that’s good for a human face.

DEEP THOUGHTS, ASIDE FROM THOSE PERTAINING TO THE GUY WHO SELLS FLEA TREATMENT FOR DOGS AND HIS PLASTIC, STRETCHY-FACED WIFE WITH AWKWARDLY GINORMOUS AND ILL-SHAPED FAKE BOOBIES? One can safely summarize by saying that, pretty much across the board, if a beer is made by Dogfish Head, it’s going to not suck. Punkin is no exception. Look for it in stores, or grab one at the Tipsy Cow. That’s where I’m enjoying mine.