Instant Beer Review: Hoptimum

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WHERE? Dexter’s, of course!

OF COURSE. WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING IN YOUR FACE TONIGHT? Sierra Nevada’s Hoptimum.

NAILED IT? Quite. This is a serious IPA. Here’s what the brewers have to say:

A group of hop-heads and publicans challenged our Beer Camp brewers to push the extremes of whole-cone hop brewing. The result is this: a 100 IBU, whole-cone hurricane of flavor. Simply put —Hoptimum: the biggest whole-cone IPA we have ever produced. Aggressively hopped, dry-hopped, AND torpedoed with our exclusive new hop varieties for ultra-intense flavors and aromas.

Resinous “new-school” and exclusive hop varieties carry the bold and aromatic nose. The flavor follows the aroma with layers of aggressive hoppiness, featuring notes of grapefruit rind, rose, lilac, cedar, and tropical fruit—all culminating in a dry and lasting finish.

WHAT THE HELL IS A WHOLE-CONE IPA? That’s a great question. I have no idea.

CAN YOU LOOK IT UP? I’m sure I could.

WOULD YOU, PLEASE? Oh, sure. This website will tell you more than you need to know.

WELL, THANK YOU. You are quite welcome.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING? That’s kind of a weird question. I’m feeling drunk. And sleepy. This beer’s ABV is, like, 10.4%, and I’ve had a long day.

WOE IS YOU. YOUR LIFE IS HARD. Fuck off.

HOW’S THE BEER? This is the type of shit I love: a big, hoppy-ass double IPA. The nose is nice, light and grapefruity, and the beer itself is effervescent without getting bogged down in Bitterville. It’s a good, boozy sipper. I’m enjoying myself.

‘BITTERVILLE?’ It drinks smoothly. It’s not overly bitter-tasting. I’m just having some fun here.

WHAT’S THE PRICE TAG? What do you care, Voice Inside My Head? You never pay. You’re not even tangible.

WOW. YOU CALLOUSED PRICK. Sorry. $5.75 for 10 oz. I’m over-tired.

DEEP THOUGHTS? This is potential blackout juice, for reals. I’m feeling goofy after only one. Also: kudos to Sierra Nevada for knocking it out of the park recently with their seasonal and specialty drafts. Killing it.