Lightning Round: Six Bartender One-Liners


Bartenders, in addition to being magical and made entirely of pixie dust, are also the sources of many a fine turn of phrase. Behold six quick hits from stressed and busy booze-slingers:

(Muttering) “Dude just ordered an amaretto sour ‘shaken, not stirred.’ He was serious.”

(Sotto voce) “That guy was drinking a jäger and Diet Coke. What the fuck is WRONG with people?!”

“Not only did she order a Bloody Mary after 7:00 at night, she was also stupid.”

“There is no greater danger in the service industry than looking at your customers before you start talking to them. I’m full of hate right now.”

(Coyly) “Here is a flute of pickles.”

“Look, You order an amaretto sour, I’m immediately asking for ID. ‘I want four amaretto sours!’ she says. Okay, hand me your older sister’s ID. Whatever, I don’t care.”