How To Open A Bottle Of Wine…

…without a corkscrew.

Hey, we’ve all been there, and the feeling stinks, like, big time. Thanks, WikiHow, for providing us with some ideas on how to get drunk when we lack the proper tools to do so!

Method #1: Pull With A Household Implement


Method #2: Push That Fucker With Something (Sharp?)


Method #3: Hammer It


There’s a lot more where this came from. To view the whole article, along with further elaboration on each method, please click here.

I gotta tell you–even though no one asked for my opinion–none of the above methods seem like particularly good ideas. My advice to you, dear reader, is just get off your rump and go purchase a frickin’ corkscrew from…literally anywhere. They’re all over the place. And they cost peanuts. As a man of modest means, I’ve got shitloads of the things all over the place.

But if you would prefer to shove a cork down the neck of a wine bottle using a Sharpie, well, that’s your prerogative, man.