Mother to bartender, carefully placing an order:
So first I need two kids’ grilled cheese plates. One is fine with the fries, but the second needs to be gluten-free because of a gluten allergy. So it needs to have the gluten-free bread because of the gluten. And replace the fries with fruit, because of the gluten. And then I need a hamburger, but this also needs to be gluten-free, because of my gluten allergy. So I’ll need the bun to be gluten-free, because of the gluten, and no fries, because of the gluten. I’ll have a salad instead. Is the dressing gluten free? [It is.] Okay, and are there croutons? [There are not.] Good, because of the gluten.
Bartender to patron, midway through a lunch order:
Bartender: And what would you like for your side?
Patron: I’d like half cheese curds and half French fries.
Bartender: I’m sorry sir, but we don’t do half orders on sides.
Patron: [Slams fists onto bar.] WHY CAN’T I EVER GET EXACTLY WHAT I WANT WHEN I GO TO A RESTAURANT???
Bartender to patron, completing an order:
Bartender: … and would you like a dip with your side?
Patron: Uh, sure. Ranch, I guess.
Bartender: Okay, so that’ll be… $44.95 for all of it.
Patron: Wait. Do you charge for the dip?
Bartender: Yes, it’s 50 cents.
Patron: Whoa, I didn’t know that. Take that off. I’m not paying for that.
Bartender: Yes sir. Same total, minus 50 cents.
I was just asked to turn off the television… so as not to offend the babies.