Random scenes from a recent afternoon, as wedding parties invade the bar…
YOUNG FEMALE PATRON: Can I get a brandy old fashioned sweet?
YFP: Oh, but with less sugar?
B: Well, yeah, I can put in less sugar. Are you sure you want it “sweet”?
YFP: Oh yeah! Definitely a brandy old fashioned sweet. Just with less sugar.
B: Okay. Or I could make it without the sweet soda. I could do press. Or just soda?
YFP: Oh no, no, but do you have diet soda?
B: Yes, sure. So a brandy old fashioned sweet with less sugar and diet soda.
YFP: Yes! Oh, and bitters. Is that bitters?
B: You’re in luck. These are bitters, yes.
YFP: That’s so great!
B: Uh… yes, I guess so?
OLD DUDE (Father of the bride, presumably): So we can sit over here, right?
SERVER: I’m sorry, no. All the tables are for dining. You’re welcome to sit anywhere at the bar.
OD: But the bar is full. So can we sit at these tables?
S: No, again, those are for dining.
OD: But the bar is full.
S: Yes, it is.
OD: What about this table?
S: Same as the rest.
OD: So where can we sit?
(Repeat for a solid three minutes.)
WOMAN: Would it be okay to ask for a Bloody Mary?
BARTENDER: It’s a little late for one, but that’s fine. I’ve got everything I need to make one right here.
W: Okay. Give me a Bloody Mary.
(Garnish is procured, ingredients are mixed, cocktail is assembled. Woman sips drink.)
W: This tastes like… pickles.
B: Well, yes. That’s what a Bloody Mary tastes like. There’s brine.
W: Do they all taste like this?
B: Generally, yes.
W: It’s not at all what I wanted. Can I get a Cosmo?
B: Yeah, that’ll probably work out better.