Another year has passed and I remember a good 40% of it. Luckily I’ve got this blog to remind me of the events of 2014. It’s time for a stroll down impaired-memory lane as we look back at some of the highlights of the past year. Join me, won’t you?
January 19: Jelly Belly announces a new hefeweizen-inspired jelly bean flavor. Interest immediately wanes when it becomes clear that the bean is not, in fact, alcoholic.
January 26: BuzzFeed takes it upon itself to list every state’s signature cocktail. Wisconsin is given the Tom and Jerry, rather than the Brandy Old Fashioned, and immediately Buzzfeed winks out of existence.
January 28: Miller announces “Miller Fortune,” a beer meant to appeal to young males wearing Drakkar Noir. When was the last time you heard of Miller Fortune? That post? Me too.
February 3: Idiots take it upon themselves to order “a stoned amaretto sour” and a “Grey Goose and Vodka.” Peter remains calm.
February 13: Gin is tested as a cold remedy. It does not work.
February 16: The New York Times provides a list of the secret vocabulary of NYC bartenders. “Soul stealer” remains my favorite.
February 28: I consume a “Breakfast Boilermaker” and manage to remain upright.
March 14: The Irish are insulted for no good reason.
March 19: Peter explains whisk(e)y and manages to work in a Braveheart reference. Good man.
March 31: A customer straight-up lies about his reservation because he is a dick. Peter remains calm.
April 10: The Brewers Association lists the top 50 craft breweries for 2013, and Boston Beer Co. holds the top spot. It’s big, that brewery. Big.
April 21: The ATF approves powdered alcohol.
April 22: The ATF reverses itself and de-approves powdered alcohol. I add a Fletch reference.
May 7: It’s Craft Beer Week, so a handful of beer books are recommended.
May 12: Pete Coors tries to talk about craft beer, but ends up sounding like a fool.
May 25: A customer, fearful of “something crappy,” demands Busch Light. Peter remains calm.
June 4: The New York Times reports that Wisconsin’s inexorable grip on the Big Apple continues unabated.
June 13: The breweries behind Trader Joe’s vast array of beers are revealed.
June 28: An Old Fashioned from the Great North Woods is reviewed. Still undetermined: the pink mystery liquid.
July 15: I rave about Bell’s Brewery… the Eccentric Cafe and outdoor fantasyland, to be specific.
July 16: A customer orders fried pickles and is then somewhat appalled to discover that they are, indeed, pickles. Peter remains calm.
August 6: We review the “Tequila ‘rita” variety of BuzzBallz and agree that it’s “not as bad as expected” but still “not good.” Sorry, Buzzballz.
August 28: Austin Beerworks announces their 99-pack of beer. How this does not immediately win some sort of Nobel Prize remains a mystery.
September 8: A bartender creates a phallic Bloody Mary garnish. Peter is thrilled.
Sepetmber 29: I somehow manage to put the pieces together and figure out what happened at Oktoberfest.
October 3: A trio of hicks attempt to order terrible beer and terrible shots. They are eventually taken aback by their $30 tab. Peter remains calm.
October 9: I survey the pumpkin beer landscape, because why the hell not.
October 10: Regular customer DCJ shares just a smudge too much information. Peter remains calm.
October 24: Multiple comic strips hit the booze, including “Dustin,” which I hate.
November 2: DCJ shares even more personal information. Peter remains calm.
November 21: Just in time for the holidays, word comes out that most binge-drinkers are not alcoholics. I sigh with relief.
December 2: A customer, confused over the definition of a Brandy Alexander, is unable to confirm the recipe as his source is in jail. Peter is not present, but presumably remains calm.
December 26: We go bonkers on nog.
December 31: I look back over every post of the past year and wonder vaguely what I’m doing with my life. I’d better get a cocktail.