Around 9:30 am on Thursday, officers in South Bend Indiana responded to an intruder alarm at local business Therapeutic Indulgence. There, they stumbled upon a puzzling scenario.
Notre Dame student Brian McCurren (19) was asleep in the kitchen on the second floor, surrounded by the remnants of Hot Pockets, mac and cheese and ice cream he allegedly consumed from the the office fridge.
A (hilariously) bizarre discovery, McCurren was evidently ruthless in his breaking and entering. First, he used a 100-pound flower pot to destroy the front door. But a second, locked door blocked his passage, so McCurren did what any free-thinker might — he dug his way straight through the dry wall with a hammer.
Once inside, McCurren purportedly ransacked the offices and used a fire extinguisher to destroy four separate rooms, demolishing lamps and furniture in his wake.
The suspect allegedly then made his way to the kitchen, raided the fridge and passed out on the floor, where police eventually discovered him. WSBT-TV reports that McCurren was arrested on several charges — burglary, vandalism and underage drinking.
From digging through dry wall to Hot Pockets, this plan was ill-conceived. Honestly, the story is more embarrassing than scary, but reads like an epic campaign against substance abuse. Stay away from tempting substances, kids, or you too may be discovered by the authorities in a pile of microwavable waste.