Tavern League of Wisconsin Day!

Get the light beer ready, today was the day the members of the Tavern League of Wisconsin took their annual pilgrimage from the bastard nether-regions of the state towards Madison in order to voice its collective opinions on state alcohol legislation.

“What the hell is the TLW?” you ask? Here’s what their website has to say:

We are a non-profit trade association dedicated to serving the needs of the retail beverage alcohol segment of the hospitality industry in the State of Wisconsin.

The League exists to provide services to members that are not available to them as individuals and to use the collective strength of its membership to accomplish, as a group, goals that cannot be accomplished alone.

The League provides their members with services such as legislative and governmental relations, legal information, educational services and promotes the industry on behalf of its membership.

TLW Day is always very stressful for me, and it always takes me completely unawares in a bloody and merciless ambush. One minute, I am peacefully enjoying the final hour of my shift while gazing lovingly at my favorite MSNBC panelist, Imogen Lloyd Webber (shown to the right. Oh my god. Hubba, hubba. She’s scary when she’s fired up. In a hot way. A really hot way.), and all is well in the world. Which is good. And then, all hell breaks loose as I turn around and am confronted with a bar full of fifty foreigners. All at once. Who have all appeared out of the fucking ether in a zombie swarm. Of hundreds. All of whom demand a Miller Lite. On tap. Which I don’t carry. At my bar.

For some reason, I’m speaking in fragments.

Oh, and by ‘foreigners,’ I mean ‘small-town folk.’

Which is a rude thing to say. Because, when it comes right down to it, EVERYONE pretty much irritates me. No matter who you are. Aside from Imogen Lloyd Webber. She will be my beautiful, Lefty wife. One day.

Again with the fragments…

My father would have a field day with these people for their unholy association with ‘union racketeering.’ Among other things, to be sure. And for that very reason, I am going to forego my original impulse to write an ‘Actual Customer Interaction’ segment on my dealings with the TLW. Because that would be shitty. In fact, what I’ve written already is shitty. So I’m going to stop. Because the TLW does good things for the owners and patrons of Wisconsin’s bars, taverns, and restaurants.

See? I’m not a total asshole. Donate to the cause. Or become a member. Do it.

Do it.

Photo courtesy of the Laurence Olivier Awards.