Unbridled Consumerism: Five Bottle Openers Worth Buying

Sure, you don’t need another bottle opener. But you want a new bottle opener. You know you do. Credit card balances be damned! And hell, did you see this morning’s pitiful jobs report? Something must be done. So in the spirit of stimulating our nation’s anemic economy, here are five bottle openers worth buying.

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The iPhone case opener. You’re glued to your damn phone at all times anyway, right? You may as well have a functional case to impress your merry band of smartphone friends. (Opena)

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The luchador bottle opener.  With every new beer you have a Mexican wrestling match! The purest kind of entertainment! (Cool Material)

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The Death Star bottle opener. It’s not geekery anymore, it’s pure pop culture. And it sticks to your fridge! Also available: The R2-D2 bottle opener, the Millennium Falcon bottle opener, and the Enterprise bottle opener. Yes, I know that last one is Star Trek and not Star Wars. I don’t care. (ThinkGeek)

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The bullet bottle opener. “Made from ‘once fired’ .50 cal BMG brass collected from U.S. military installations and then machined by hand into a unique and durable bottle opener.” The bottle opener that says “freedom.” (vat19)

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The one-handed bottle opener. Because that’s just brilliant. And you’re probably doing something with your other hand. Lord only knows what. (Uncommon Goods)